How to spot a player

No Guide to singlehood would be complete without a section on how to spot a player and some helpful experiments to try. This is not a complete list by any means, but I have found it helpful out in the field.

He talks about his wonderful mom, a lot.
Guys have heard that the way they treat their moms is the way they will treat their future wife and girls will watch for that. And while this does carry a lot of truth to it, talking about their mom is not the same. Since their mom is usually not around when you are interacting, they try to put her there by proxy in conversation. While a comment or two is good, more than that I have found is usually a sign of a genuine player.

You call him “player” and he gets upset.
This is like the litmus test for players. Easy to apply, just throw in a sarcastic joke about him being a player and if he turns red, it may be true. If he stays his original color, he may be good at covering up or just good. If he turns blue call an ambulance he’s probably needing medical attention.

He plays guitar, and flaunts it.
In a made-up survey of my own, over half of players play a guitar. Common songs and bands include “More Than Words” Third Eye Blind, Dashboard Confessional and for the super players, Jack Johnson. If he can play Dave Matthews, well just sit back and enjoy because he’s probably cool…um that was also in my made-up survey.

He looks at himself in the mirror more than the average guy.
Test this by having a conversation near a mirror aimed at his face. Leave the room for a brief period of time and observe at a distance.

He’s always trying to point out his physique.
This goes beyond the “Where’s the beach?” arm flexing routine. This may involve him pointing out a sore muscle from all of his gym activity, doing a dance that incorporates the ab wave, and showing you strange stunts like handstand pushups.

He spends more time on his hair than you.
Rough up his hair and see if he spends the rest of the night trying to undo the damage. If he has a flat iron, proceed with caution.

Carbon copied flattery.
He pays you a series of unique comments, you find have also been used on a series of other girls.
Note: Pay special attention to British blokes. Common phrases to them are rare jewels in the US and don’t carry the same intensity in their eyes. Calling you “love” saying “it’s a pleasure” and asking “you alright?” translate into: “girl” “nice chatting/see ya later” “how are ya?” This may be said without bad intent usually, but some do play up the ‘Hugh Grant’ factor. Don’t worry, a British guide is in the works with more details.

He gives out his phone number during his testimony, twice.
No kidding, this happened in one of my wards. Sweet guy, but a true player.

Spiritually showy.
Reads scriptures in very public places where he can be spotted easily magnifying his priesthood for the ladies.

I’m selling you on my future family.
Talks sentimentally about his future wife and kids the way a salesman would. Usually borrowing phrases you may have said already, to show how much you want the same thing, and how mating could be good for you.

I’m broken and only you can fix me.
You’ve just met, but he has faith that you can save him from his weaknesses. Gathering sympathy for past problems and using your charity to take advantage of the situation, does work very well for players. Knowing you don’t want to be judgmental, he’ll use your good naturedness to work his way in, and make you feel bad if you pull away “just like his ex-girlfriend/judgmental friend did”. If you see this, emergency evacuation.

Heavily invested in his car.
Big tires, loud speakers, tinted windows, peeling out in the driveway. He is trying to get everyone’s attention. Usually though, only the guys are lusting after that.

Sporting around you.
When you are together, he is more into watching the game, or playing PlayStation to notice you are completely bored out of your mind. Cheering on favorite teams or games here and there are fine of course. But if he’s more interested in entertaining himself than you, there could be some indications you are spending time with a player.

Other things include:
Wears expensive sunglasses in unnecessary situations.
Uses his phone to text during Church.

Why you don’t want a player
They are usually interested in the superficial, which will leave you feeling excited at first and then totally unfulfilled later. Kind of like a roller coaster that ends with you feeling nauseous. They may grow out of this phase eventually, just let them finish it completely before you jump in.

Well that’s my little list. Feel free to add more of your own stories in the comments below, or submit a question of your own at the tab above!