Posted by: Miss Jones | August 6, 2010

Unfamiliar Waters

One of the most beautiful beaches I've ever been Mozambique.

I’m back.  It’s been a very long absence.  I’m sorry.

I don’t know why I haven’t been in the mood to write for a long time.  I guess sometimes I just feel like no matter how much we talk or read or write about being single it doesn’t change anything and doesn’t help…that nothing changes…that we’re all still in the same situation and that talking about singleness doesn’t fix anything or make us feel any better.

But, maybe it does.

Recently I went to the beach.  I’m kind of a Chicken of the Sea when it comes to getting in the ocean and other large bodies of water.  It just takes me awhile to get comfortable with the idea.  I love swimming, bodyboarding, snorkeling, and have even been SCUBA diving, but I’m not naturally one of those people who is just completely at ease with the ocean.  I guess it’s my fear of drowning, my fear of getting sucked away by a rip current, my fear of sharks, my fear of seeing a bloated dead body, and my fear of other unlikely things, etc.  So I have to force myself to get in.  And I usually enjoy myself  in the end, but sometimes it is hard for me to just jump right in.  I have to constantly work at overcoming my fear.

In the last couple of weeks I was able to spend three days at the beach.  For two of the days the beach was really crowded.  There were tons of people out in the water.  People were surfing, kitesurfing, windsurfing, bodyboarding, and just swimming.  And those two days when there were plenty of people in the water I just got right in, without hesitation and I went out pretty far, because there were other people farther out than me and so I gleaned a little confidence from them.

But the last day I went to the beach it was a Monday and the place was pretty empty.  And there weren’t many people in the ocean and those that were in weren’t out very far.  But I knew that if I wanted to enjoy the ocean I needed to get in at least deep enough to bodyboard.

I’m SUCH a chicken though.  I took me forever to get out there that third day.  I did eventually get in and I had a great time.  But I know that the only reason I made it out very far is that my mom was with me.  And, although she’s also a pretty big wimp when it comes to the ocean, the fact that we were both going out gave us the courage to get in deep enough to bodyboard.

And here’s where I tie swimming in the ocean to being a single Mormon woman past the “normal” age for marrying.

When we’re all out there together and we know that there are others out there who are in our same situation it is easier to be brave.  It’s an ocean teeming with people…if you aren’t the only one out deep it’s way less intimidating/scary to be there.  And, at least if the beach isn’t full of swimmers having one or a few people with you to go out into the deeper water makes it more doable, even if you’re all a little scared or apprehensive or not confident.  Just knowing that you aren’t  alone in the big world of singleness is a nice thing, and helps us dare to be out there in those unfamiliar waters, because we don’t really have a choice but to be there…for now anyway.

And it doesn’t really matter if we all are a little confused, frustrated, or lacking in confidence.  We can draw strength from each other just by sticking together and just from knowing that we aren’t the only ones in our situation.

So, I’m going to try to blog a bit more.  I’m in unfamiliar waters, as are many of you.  And maybe I have something to say that might help you.  Or maybe we can get conversations started that make us feel less alone out in those unfamiliar waters.  I need your strength and confidence and maybe you need some of mine too.

I’ve had a lot of really good questions submitted lately so I think I’ll start there and will try to answer them (or at least some of them).  And, since I, of course, don’t know all there is to know on every topic or even on one topic I welcome your comments.

Let’s stick together out there!

Miss Jones



  1. What a fantastic analogy! I love it – and I’m glad you are back in the blogging world. It reminds me that I’m not alone, especially now that I’m leaving a YSA ward for a family ward. Yay for cyber beach buddies!

  2. I’m so glad you’re back! I’ve only recently found your blog, but I love it!

  3. I love reading your blog. Please keep em coming. If you ever need a swimming buddy or ideas to write about please contact me I would love to help.

  4. Welcome back. It’s a big ocean out there and we’re glad to have you back in it.

  5. I love the analogy, and I’m glad you are back! I’ve read your blog while you’ve been out on hiatus, and let me tell you..there are plenty of people floundering around in the ocean in Vegas;) We’re definitely not alone. Thanks for your posts..keep ’em coming!

  6. Good post! It does help knowing there are others out there in the same situation. I’ll be back for cheer-ups and good advice.

  7. It’s so true. We need each other. It’s a tough place to be, and we don’t really want to be here, but with support we can keep reminding ourselves that we can still have lot of fun in our single state, and with enough distractions, sometimes we forget how scary it is.

  8. Thank you for posting. I just discovered your blog and truly appreciate your honesty in approaching life as a single woman.

    Every phase in life, new or the same old one is always so much better when you aren’t alone, and when you can share your fears and triumphs with others.

    Thank you for building a community that serves this purpose.

  9. One of the things I have discovered through this single time is the strength that other single, righteous friends can give. You’re not alone…but it is an adventure!

  10. I don’t want to get married. Guys usually don’t want you until you aren’t interested or your hard or impossible to catch. It sucks

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