Well hello neglected blog.
Miss Jones here. I know I sort of disappeared for the summer. Sorry.
I had a busy and fun summer. I got SCUBA certified. I went to Africa for five weeks. I spent three weeks in South America. And… I turned 30. Yikes!
Even though I had a busy summer I cannot say that I neglected this blog because I didn’t have time to write.
I neglected this blog because I didn’t have anything positive to write.
Sometimes I just go through little stages where, for a time, I cannot see even one good thing about being single. Do any of you have those times in your life? I hope I’m not the only one.
Anyway, I didn’t want to fill this blog with a bunch of negative, sappy, “poor me I’m single” stuff. But at the same time I don’t want to completely ignore the fact that being an “older” single Mormon is difficult.
This summer I guess I was just sick of being single. Even though sometimes being single is awesome like when you want to take off to Africa for five weeks, etc. I mean, you don’t have to tell me that being single is great. I take advantage of my time being single and am living life to the fullest. You could even saythat I’m “Finding Joy in Spinsterhood.”
However, even though there are lots of great things about being single, sometimes I’m just tired of being single.
Are any of you tired of being single? Tired of being different from the “norm?” Tired of buying wedding gifts and baby shower gifts and going to weddings, bridal showers, and baby showers and throwing bridal showers and baby showers? Tired of people giving your number to guys that never call to set up a date? Tired of hearing things like, “Well now that your younger brother and his wife are going to be having a baby maybe you’ll decide it is time for you to get married and have kids too.”? Tired of trying to make new single friends every time one of them gets married or moves away? Tired of going to ward activities and institute or feeling guilty for not going? Tired of people (even those with good intentions) giving suggestions about where you should live or what you need to do to attract a mate? Tired of hoping? Tired of trying to have faith for what seems impossible? Tired of trying to be positive and enthusiastic about being single? Tired of the singles ward scene? Tired of feeling like you are always on display…that you always have to be your best, that you have to be perfect or nobody will want you? Tired of cooking for one? Tired of being lonely and I’m tired of being alone?
Wow, just writing all that made me tired!
Is anybody else tired of being single sometimes?
Maybe I’m the only one. I doubt it though. I doubt that I’m the only one who ever feels this way. I think it is just hard to admit sometimes how hard it actually is to be a spinster. And I think that sometimes we are afraid to admit that we are tired of spinsterhood. Because we don’t want to be labeled as “negative” or “bitter” or “sad” or “depressed.” We want to go out there and put on our happy faces so that people won’t think less of us for not loving our lives. And so that people will wonder why we aren’t married instead of thinking that they know why we aren’t married and saying things like, “Oh, she’s just so negative about guys. If she would be more positive about dating and men she’d probably be married,” etc.
And sometimes I feel like I’m wearing a “Hello, my name is SINGLE” name tag.
And that the only thing people think of when they see me is ‘SINGLE.’ And that running through their minds is just ‘single, single, single, single, single, single, single’…so much so that they can’t even focus on a normal conversation with me and can’t seem to talk to me about anything other than my marital status.
Here’s a situation from this summer to illustrate my point.
Let me set the scene…. cousin’s wedding reception. Young cousin. Maybe 20 years old. Marrying nice guy in the temple at the “normal” age for marrying. Perfect.
Enter me. Nearly 30. Severely single. At said wedding reception. Trying not to feel awkward. Holding my darling little baby cousin because I like babies and also as a distraction and conversation starter for people who don’t know what to say to a SINGLE PERSON (Awkward). At least they can say, “Oh isn’t he darling,” or “Whose baby is this,” etc.
Enter *Ruth. Ruth is a very nice distant relative that I see at weddings and funerals. Ruth is friendly and fun and NICE. Normally. I like Ruth because she is kind and goes out of her way to talk to me and to everybody else.
Me. Sitting at a table with non distant relatives. Chat chat chat. Ruth sits down next to me. More chat chat chat. Friendly friendly friendly. THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN out of NOWHERE Ruth hits me with a zinger.
“SO, ARE YOU STILL SINGLE? she asks.”
SILENCE around the whole table as all eyes look my way. ‘What will the crazy single girl say?,’ people wonder…
Me again mostly to break the awkward SILENCE: “So Ruth, are you STILL SINGLE???” By the way, Ruth is like a 70+ year old widow (and her husband has been dead for 20+ years).
Ruth laughs and says, “Yes.”
Me: “Well I’ll keep my eyes open for a nice man for you to marry.”
Conversation over. Two points Ruth. Ten points Miss Jones.
SERIOUSLY, “are you still single?” What kind of question is that? First of all I just saw and talked to Ruth at yet another cousin’s wedding in April. I was single then. And because I’m not some Ricks College (aka:BYU IDAHO) student, I think it is safe to say that a few months later I would NOT BE MARRIED.
And, if by chance a miracle had occurred in those few months and I wasn’t single anymore then wouldn’t I have some awesome guy sitting next to me??? Or, wouldn’t I have some major bling bling on my ring finger??? Or, if nothing else, wouldn’t I just blurt it out to you because I would be so freaking ecstatic to NOT have to spend the next 60 years BY MYSELF only to be found dead and alone, half eaten by wild dogs at the age of 90??? Yes, yes, yes.
If I am ever NOT STILL SINGLE, I will send you an invitation to my wedding reception. That is how you’ll know. Until then, let’s not repeat the conversation we had today.
Thank you, Miss Jones
*name changed out of the kindness of my heart
Anyway, despite my being a 30 year-old spinster with relatives who don’t know what to talk to me about, I am doing well and am back to loving life…even single life. And, I’m back to blogging. So, send me your questions/post ideas and I’ll try to get to as many topics as possible.
Good luck out there singletons!
All the best,