Submit Your Single Situation Questions

Have a question or an odd situation you think would make a good topic for The Guide? Email Miss Jones at singlemormongirl@googlemail.com with your brief description or question that:

  1. Is short and brief (a novel isn’t necessary)
  2. Has no personally identifiable information (for you or others involved)
  3. Doesn’t require censorship or would need an appointment with your Bishop.

And I’ll try to answer them in a witty way, once a week!

—Miss Jones

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Responses

  1. So I am 26 and single–and proud of it! I just finished my Masters degree and I am looking to relocate (I currently live in Utah and can’t stand it anymore). I have been looking at all of these different places to move to this summer and everytime I mention somewhere else other than Utah people look at me like I am never going to find someone if I put myself in Virginia, Ohio, North Carolina, etc. So, I guess my question is…are there places where LDS professional singles can move to and not (and I quote) “rot?”

  2. So this question may fall in category #3, but I’m sick and tired of this issue being skirted (what an appropriate pun for a single Mormon girl blog) and not being able to find information about it.

    To put it delicately, what advice would you give single ladies who are having problems keeping the 7th Commandment? (See multiple talks by Elder Maxwell, if you don’t know what I’m talking about.)

    We are told to be celibate until marriage, but there is a weird philosophy that men are the only ones who have a problem with chastity – that Mormon women have no “drive.”

    What have women Mormon celebrities (aka Sherri Dew, Kristen Oaks and multiple other openly single women in the Church) said on this topic?

    Thanks!

    • I hear ya girlfriend. I wanna get it on so bad…lol. jk, but not really. The fact is, that its a slippery slope… I used to handle these situations by callin up a good “friend” and getting some good action to tide me over. of course, with the natural woman being as dominating as she is, these situations would just turn into icky situations and lots of sunday and wednesday night visits with bish.

      the hormones are gonna do there thing, I think the best solution while lds dating
      , is to get busy…but not like that. get to the gym, get a massage, get your hair washed, date nice guys who arent gonna take advantage of your thorniness. focus on your career or school. definatly stay away from girl porn aka..steamy chic flicks. and PRAY!

      you just have to ride it out…not literally. hang in there, its worth it.

  3. I live in a small town in Arizona that has no young single adults or even moderately aged single adults. The nearest singles ward is an hour away and in a different stake. Any suggestions on ideas to keep from going crazy while I survive time in purgetory? 😀

  4. Come to Europe:)!

  5. I like that idea!!! 😀

  6. I was wondering if you had any good statistics on the singles in the church. I know it is a large percentage, ~33% of total membership, but I have been hard pressed to come up with anything more recent some unverified stats for 2004.

    Is there anything more recent you can pass on?

  7. I loved the story that was in the Ensign a couple of months ago about “Waiting for a Little Season.” Are there any scripture stories/passages that you have read and applied to your own situation? Would you mind sharing your experience? Thank you.

  8. what are the chancs of a non member dating and marrying an LDS girl? i find we have this problem in our local wards…

    • Mr. Brody

      the chances of a non- member dating and marrying an lds girl is very likely depending on the persons standards. The chances that he or she will accept the gospel and/or allow it to be freely demonstrated in the home is a 1 in 400 chance.

  9. More posts! I demand more posts! 🙂

  10. Hello I am 18 years and old Single. I am very fond of a fellow brother in my branch. I am pretty sure that he likes me ,but he is having a hard time showing it. any suggestions?

  11. I just heard that mormon girls are mostly virgin, like a rare pearl in screwed up America. And most are white blond, conservative. 🙂

    I am a traditional Chinese guy (25 years old, virgin), even most asian girls in US are horny/corrupted, not virgin in their 20s. I can get a girl friend if I want to. But white USA vrigin girls in their 20s are the perfect match that I can imagine. (big boobs, virgin, sweet, nice, well-educated, faster green card 🙂 ( I worked as H1b visa with a PhD degree)

    I don’t want to find a teenage virgin girl of any race to be a pedo :).
    I mean do I need to move to utah or go to local mormon church ?
    I found myself to be a stalker or wierdo.

    But mormon girls are my last hope. What are other things to consider besides that I may be forced to believe in Mormonism?

  12. I found my post being deleted.

    Why? I am not being mean or a troll.

    I just wanna some advice.

  13. I don’t understand why my post got censored.

    I am an atheist but pro mormon.

    I just wanna a virgin consevative wife.
    I am a virgin, I just wanna my life be perfect

    Is this picky ? i don’t think so

  14. I am 28 years old and have never had a serious relationship in my life. I have never been kissed, cuddled, snuggled, or had my hand held by a member of the opposite sex. I have been told by plenty of people that I’m fun to be around, a great person, etc – but I have a tendency to doubt that. I am trying to do everything I can to be the best person I can possibly be, but there it is. Is there something wrong with me? Honestly now, should I be concerned?

    • Oh how I feel ya! I have been in the exact same position. I have always been the buddy and the one guys ask dating advice from. (umm. . . hello, I’ve never been on one! But here’s my advice anyway) I have recently had some interesting answers to prayers that yes i may never have dated but the Lord does know what I want and is willing to give it to me in due time. Am I saying it doesn’t at all suck waiting. . . ABSOLUTELY NOT! Some days I just want to scream but I know it IS coming. For me there have been days that I have felt that there was something inherently wrong with me. I’ve never been good enough for anyone to set me up (yes, I actually would welcome being set up once in a while. Practice is better than nothing) or that I must have been born with a third eye that repels men who would consider me as more that a friend. I don’t know if any of this helps but at least we are in the same boat (with or without paddles depends on the day). Keep your head up and just have fun while you wait for Mr. to come along.

  15. Miss Jones,
    Im 19 almost 20 and I have never really seriously dated someone! Yikes. Its not that I havent had chances, I Just havent been interested enough in anyone to date them. So this pattern has kind of shaped me. I am interested in a guy, we go on a few dates, maybe hold hand, cuddle etc. after a while i realise its just ” not there”…. A lot of the guys have all of the qualitys I admire, I just am not really into them. I have never been kissed, but thats not saying there have not been those who havent tryed. Am I weird to not want to kiss a boy? I feel like I want to really like someone before I get serious, but is that the wrong idea? Should I just be taking these dateing experiences as “experiences” and just get over not being interested and date someone(waiting for the interest to develop) or should I wait for something really meaningfull?

    • Anna you need to panic. 19 almost 20. You aren’t even a full grown woman. You have to kiss quite a few toads before you meet your handsome prince. I’m 57 and I haven’t met the right guy. I married the wrong guy and got a divorce after 22 years of trying to fix our marriage. I’m not going to make the mistake again of marrying the wrong guy. I don’t care if I’m 500 years old when I get married.

  16. Ms. Jones,
    I’ve been on two dates, so far, with a guy, and he’s already saying that he’s in a relationship. For me, that’s way too soon; maybe after 10 dates or so I’d say we were in a relationship. I don’t want to lead him on and let him think that we are more serious than I actually think we are. Help! What should I do?

  17. Hello Miss Jones,

    Do you still exist? I am a 26 year old single mormon and recently divorced. There are so many negative stigma’s in the church regarding divorce, that it worries me. I feel like being divorced will hinder my dating prospects. What are your thoughts?

    • I was divorced at 48. I have not been on a date and I am 57. There are other interests I have besides dating. I will marry if the right person comes along. If someone doesn’t date me because I’m divorced it’s his loss. Yes, there are people in the Church who are judgmental. I went to a picnic a couple days ago and sat by some people who didn’t acknowledge my presence so I moved to some people who were willing to visit with me. There are some judgmental people but there are people who are not judgmental. When I got my divorce I promised that I would remain active in the Church and hold a temple recommend and attend the temple. I also need to learn that I cannot base my self worth on having a man–like I did when I was younger.

  18. I just found your website, thank you for your work 😀 I’m a 36 year old single LDS female, never dated, etc. All my coworkers are married and mostly are LDS. I have been that I don’t have any problems because I am single and childless, and that I am “lucky.” etc., etc., etc. I could keep ranting, but it would be pointless. Any suggestions on how to become a valued member around your “friends” and not feel outnumbered and inferior?

    Also, there is a book out: Latter Day Divorce and Beyond by Jennifer James. Her website is ldsbrokenwings.com. She is awesome (and a great therapist too!!!).

    There is a another book that I found extremely validating: Singled Out, How Singles are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored and Still Live Happily Ever After by Bella DePaulo.

    Thanks again:D

    • Some people make rather ignorant comments. I’ve found that there are some people who avoid me or act if I’m not there. I try to be part of a conversation and I am interrupted. There are other people who are kind–for example for visiting teacher. She recently married. She had spent years and years with her second husband who was dying of alzheimer’s but still had time for me in spite of how busy she was. We can only do our best. We can’t make people accept us. I don’t have the best social skills–as you can see I come on pretty strong–and I’m working to improve my skills but there are those who are not going to accept me no matter what. Then there are those who think I need to get married right away.

  19. Dear Miss Jones, I just come acrossed your blog and I love it!! Anyways, I have a question… how do you politely tell someone who asks about you about single, not going to the “SA Ward” ect. that it’s none of there business or simply that you’re not interested in answering there nosy questions?

  20. I am not exactly single. I am engaged. My Fiance has a job where he has to work out of town. He told me he is going to start going to the singles ward because family wards are boring to him. He wants to attend the YSA dances and hang out with other young singles but doesnt exactly volunteer the information that he is engaged. Is this inappropriate or am I over worring about this?

    He jokes about how cute the girls there are and how much more ‘tempting’ they are versus his other ward. I feel concerned but I don’t want to over react.

  21. I really want to know what mormon girls do on monday. there is now not a single’s ward but a single stake. What do mormon girls do in the new situation? I am 22 and have attended single’s wards only four times. I have only attended two singles wards relief society activities. How can I get involved in the stake?

    • I know how hard it is to get involved in a new ward/stake/branch. The best thing I have found since I tend to be shy when I first go into a large group of people, is to introduce myself to a member of the Relief Society presidency. I give them my phone number and offer to help if they have an upcoming event. RS presidents know everyone and everything that is going on so they are more than anxious to get you involved too. I have made some great friends this way and I was comfortable doing it. Just keep going to the singles ward and you will fit in in no time.

  22. O.K. I am 21, and I get so much pressure from my family about dating and getting married. The problem is, I am never asked out on dates. 😦 How do I get to the point that I am asked on dates? I have to get 12 dates for the school semester for my “Happiness in Dating” class. I need help!!

  23. Where are all of you single women hiding? Certainly not in my neck of the woods (Ohio). I recently went to an institute class and there were like 7 guys and 3 girls in attendance. All of the girls were either engaged or had a boyfriend.
    Don’t despair ladies – there are still plenty of eligible bachelors out there – including me 🙂 The two singles wards here are stuffed full of guys in medicine, dentistry, optometry, law, or graduate degree programs. Our dating choices mainly consist of newly graduated high school seniors or girls in their 30s who have finished college and are in their jobs. Most of the ladies in their mid 20s are at one of the BYUs. It’s hilarious, when an attractive, twenty-something girl moves in (which happens maybe once or twice a year) the guys will ask her out like crazy and she’ll most likely have a boyfriend (if she wants one) within weeks.

  24. I am not a single GIRL. At the age of 57 I am single by CHOICE. I haven’t always been single as an adult but I made the choice to become single again over my situation. I am not a marital status.

    • Oh, I forgot, after seeing the ages no one here is a single GIRL. It is not a tragedy to be single at 21 or 22 or 26 or 30. Believe me there are worse things than being single. Don’t be stupid like I was and rush into a marriage. Don’t let anyone pressure you into something that is not a good thing. If you are dating a guy and he “isn’t ready” dump him and find someone who is. You are the one that must be won–not the guy. Pursue your interests, your career, your hobbies Take a yoga class or a quilting class. Do some volunteer work. Don’t be stupid and sit around thinking “If I were really living my religion I’d get married.” Don’t let anyone tell you that or tell you that your are too immature, etc. If they do don’t listen.


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