Posted by: Miss Jones | March 2, 2009

Dear Miss Jones…What are the odds?

dearmissjones

Here’s me beginning to answer your questions…

David asked,

“Dear Miss Jones, I was wondering if you had any good statistics on the singles in the church. I know it is a large percentage, ~33% of total membership, but I have been hard pressed to come up with anything more recent then some unverified stats for 2004.

Is there anything more recent you can pass on?”

Dear David,

Let me be completely honest in saying…I make up most statistics I use here and in life in general.  (Made up statistics are easier to obtain and are better at proving my desired point.)  Or, if I don’t make them up I get them from googling things like “Single statistics in the LDS church,” which instead of giving me official LDS church sanctioned statistics, gives me a list of other blogs and websites with statistics that others may or may not have made up. 

Recently I googled “Single Statistics” and a link came up that said “Single statistics in The Church.”  And may I  just say, as a side note, that  I love that we are TheChurch even on the Internet.  I guess we aren’t shy about letting everyone know that we are THE Church.   I would post the statistics that I found here, but I don’t want to cause all of the wonderful Sisters of THE Church that read this blog to get depressed or anything and also, I don’t even know where that website got their stats from. 

But let me just say that if you are an active LDS male…things are good for you, really good.  But I think all anyone needs to do is go to a Singles’ Ward or other YSA or SA activity to know that being an active LDS guy is an awesome position to be in. 

Okay, okay, I guess I’ll post the stats.  But since they didn’t document where they got these statistics I feel no need to document where I got mine and I cannot vouch for the truth of these statistics.  Here they are…

40% of North American members of THE Church are single adults.

The ratio of ACTIVE single men to ACTIVE single women in the age group 18-29 is 89:100.

The ratio of ACTIVE single men to ACTIVE single women over 30 is supposedly a depressing 19:100.

Here’s another scientific fact for you…one time this one General Authority told my cousin who then in turn told me that…there are actually more single men 18-30 in the church than women.  BUT the men just don’t stay as active so the older you get the greater the divide is.  Sad, but most likely true. 

BUT girls before you go refilling your Prozac prescriptions, let’s look on the bright side.  Okay, so if that last statistic of 19:100 active LDS males to active LDS females over 30 is true, it makes me want to give up and go cry sob somewhere by myself…especially since I am nearing the big  3 0  myself. 

HOWEVER, the statistic says it is for OVER 30.  So I’m just going to go ahead and say that that includes EVERYONE over 30, which means that includes like the 70, 80, 90, & 100 year-old members.  And since men generally die at a younger age than women, there are a whole bunch of widows left single in the church (maybe even your grandma) that are throwing off that statistic, big time. 

I don’t know for sure what the stats are or how accurate those listed above are.  Sorry David, I don’t really know what to tell you if you are looking for the truth about singleness in the church.  Maybe contact The Church directly and be sure to let us know what you find. 

But here’s what I do know (and this is me actually being serious and deep now)…sometimes as a single LDS woman trying to do what is right and trying to stay hopeful that someday, somehow, somewhere, everything you’ve ever wanted and have been taught to want is going to be yours, is a difficult thing to do… especially when the numbers just don’t add up and LOGICALLY things don’t seem good.

But, maybe that’s our challenge…to stay hopeful even when the odds seem to be against us and to keep believing and knowing that our Heavenly Father knows who we are and knows what we need and when we need it and that sometime and in some way those who stay faithful and hopeful will be blessed more than we can even imagine. 

Like Red said on the Shawshank Redemption (edited version of course), “Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things.”

So there you have it. 

See, this is why I don’t post much…because I can’t just write a nice little short post.  I have to write a flipping novel.  Oh well, I guess that’s just how I roll.

Stay tuned for more wise words from Miss Jones…

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Responses

  1. This is one problem that polygamy solved, allowing all righteous women an opportunity for a temple marriage and righteous husband.

  2. Recently a friend told me about an Institute class she attended where a woman who was married after 30 about a year ago made a comment how the joy that has come from her marriage and her newly born baby has overcome and overshadowed any pain, sorrow, and loneliness that she went through in her single years. I then found this quote by Elder Wirthlin in his talk Come what may, and Love it. Which this was such an awesome talk on so many levels. He said, “The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.” This quote described to me what the recently married girl had been voicing. I thought I can understand the pain and loneliness that is felt, the sense of loss that is accompanied with that feeling at times. What hope I have to know that every tear will be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude. That is something I can wait for!!

  3. Thank you SO much for that quote. I have been needing a a lift and that did it.

  4. […] Singles Statistics and the Church […]

  5. Amen Keith, and a very good lesson, Michelle. It is hard to stay hopeful, and my despair one night brought me to a point where I thought, “Which is better – getting married to someone who’s not a member, but living a relatively happy life with children and a husband and the intimacies associated thereof, or being single your entire life, being rewarded with (as Keith has noted) a husband who may already have a wife?” Seriously pondering both ideas (and I am one who has always been okay with polygamy, because I wouldn’t want someone to be lonely and alone – it’s the whole consecration thing, done with real, sincere charity), I decided that whatever the Lord would desire to bless me with would be more wonderful than giving in, giving up on that eternal blessing.

  6. Those statistics sure make it seem like being a single mormon guy is better than it really is. Part of the problem may be in the way they define “active” in the church. When I go to my singles ward, there are TONS of guys. So many guys, in fact, that I decided on Sunday that it would be impossible for me to meet the one in that ward. Even if she is there, she is surrounded by a pack of Mormon buzzards. My guess is that these guys show up looking for fresh meat but they aren’t really active (i.e. they leave after sunday school, they haven’t transferred their records) so they don’t get counted. Because I certainly don’t feel like I am in the greatest position as a single 28 year old male in the church here in Utah.

  7. Come to Merced, CA! We have a bunch of single, amazing LDS girls who I’m sure would “buzzard” you, lol. We seriously have the opposite problem – I doubt I’d find a guy in my branch because whenever a new one comes, all the girls surround him. And I’m not like that.

  8. I agree with BYUIBeauty. I find all single situations very aggravating and I didn’t use to…maybe I’m getting sick of it all. If I ever get the chance to speak to a guy (they are extremely outnumbered in my singles ward), a braisin and much bolder girl will interrupt and take over within seconds. Any thoughts?

  9. I cannot believe that 40% of the church is unmarried adults. That’s just too much. It leaves only 60% to be the married couples, and ALL THOSE KIDS. Of course, if it’s counting only baptized members, then everyone under 8 doesn’t count. Which might change the numbers, but even if we put my singles ward and family ward together, us Singletons still don’t cut into the amount of kids.

  10. Blogs like these are hard to find. After doing some research on the Internet, finding nothing but Mommy Blogs and in the Mormon Times, I decided to create my own (OldMaidMormon). I was pleased to find singlemormongirl similar to one I created. Just wanted to let you know and I’m wondering if you’re planning to post anything new. I really think single LDS women need to band together, form support groups for each other. Statistics like the ones you posted was my main motive in today’s search. Thanks for the info.
    PS. I’m also an English Major at the U and have found blogging to be a wonderful outlet for my crazy urge to write. Maybe I can actually find a career here.


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