Posted by: Miss Jones | December 18, 2008

Tell me, is it one in four marriages that ends in divorce now or one in three?

With all the necessary holiday preparations this Christmas there is one extra preparation that only we singletons have to make…and that is to prepare ourselves for being single at Christmas.  This may mean facing your great-aunt Edna who ALWAYS asks you about your dating life.  Or maybe that middle-aged married man in your home ward who thinks it is HILARIOUS to grab your left hand every time he sees you to look for a shiny ring.  Or perhaps it is just the fact of being alone during the holidays, having to sit at the “kid table” for Christmas dinner at your grandma’s, or being around friends and cousins your age who have like a million kids already. 

Whatever your holiday challenges are, a little mental preparation will help things go more smoothly.  And although I, in my own busy holiday preparations, don’t have time to address all the extra challenges of being single during the holidays I did come across this post from my own personal blog last year that I thought I’d share.  Hope it helps a little or that you can at least relate and laugh.  The post is actually written with married people as the intended audience…so feel free to “accidentally” email a link to this post to all your relatives before Christmas day.  Good luck answering all the inappropriate questions you get asked this holiday season.  Have happy holidays! 

Love, Miss Jones

 

bridget_jones_diary1So a couple of days ago I got a chemical peel. Basically, a chemical peel consists of paying someone 100 bucks to pour acid on your face so that later your skin will peel off and you will look better or at least feel like you suffered trying to look your best.  My normal esthetician was out of town so some other girl, who will remain nameless to protect her lack of tact, did my chemical peel. Before I could even get onto the facial table she said to me,

“So are you married?”
I said, “no.”
She replied, “well do you have a boyfriend…are you dating anyone?”
And I replied, “not right now.”

Now, I’m not sure exactly why I said “not right now…” as if I had been dating someone a few minutes prior and had just gotten dumped or something. But if you ask me a dumb question you should expect a dumb answer…I mean, what was I supposed to say? And she didn’t quit.  She went on to ask

“Well, do you have any nieces or nephews?”
“No,” I said, “my only sibling that is married just got married a month ago”…and I thought to myself “and I haven’t gotten around to asking them yet when they are going to start making babies!”
Ok, and get this, the next thing she said to me was,
“Did they get married in the temple?”
And I thought to myself “Oh my heck am I wearing my ‘I AM A MORMON’ shirt again!?” So within two minutes of meeting me this girl, who was married with three kids, broke the CARDINAL RULE of talking to single people. Never, under any circumstance ask a single person (even if you know them) any of the following questions or any variation of the following questions UNLESS you are asking them because you have some RAD person that you want to set them up with and you want to make sure that they are available. And, as a side note, never ASSUME that someone is LDS. It just makes you look like a stupid Utard.
Here are some no no questions:
“So, how’s your love life?”
“Are you dating anybody?”
“Anything exciting/new going on in your life (wink, wink)?”

Now, this girl was probably just trying to be nice and make conversation (although I wish that she could have just shut-up and let me listen to the peaceful waterfall music), but HOW SAD is it that she was so un-rounded that the only thing that she could make reference to in life had to do with dating, marriage and kids! LAME! Needless to say, I did not give her a tip $$$$$$$. But let me give all of the tactless married people out there a tip…and I don’t think that all married people are tactless, but those of you who are… you know who you are, listen up. You should never talk to a single person about their dating life, or the lack thereof, unless they bring it up. Just as I shouldn’t ask you,

“So, how much money do you make?”
“When are you guys going to have another baby…it is about time, isn’t it?”
“How’s your LOVE life (wink, wink)?”
“When are you planning on starting a family?”
“Do you think you’ll go on a diet soon?”
“How much equity do you have in your home?”
“Are you planning on doing anything about your receding hairline?”
Etc!
Or, I might say, as Bridget Jones replied when asked, “So Bridge, how’s your love life?”…”Tell me, is it one in four marriages that ends in divorce now, or one in three?”
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Responses

  1. As far as married people asking these questions, I agree with you 100%. Just wondering, though: is it okay for single people to ask other single people these questions? I’m single, and whenever another single asks me how things are going, I feel like we can commiserate, but am I the only one? Am I offending people without meaning to?

  2. THANK YOU FOR THIS POST!!! I so desperately needed a good laugh before I head into the Christmas flogging season.

    Keith, I think it is fine to ask these questions other single friends. I know I don’t mind when they ask me if I am seeing anyone. It alson helps that we can joke openly with each other about the dating process or lack there of. I know for myself that knowing I am not the only one struggling with being single in the church is the greatest blessing I can be given.

    Good luck surviving the time with family and married friends everyone!

  3. Hooray! I have been searching for a fun LDS singles blog for awhile! It’s so nice to know I’m not the only one out there!

    Going along with this post of surviving the holidays, I have a question I would love some advice on. I work in a male dominated industry, at our Christmas party this year, all the guys were off slapping each other on the back and fetching drinks for their spouses. While I ended up sitting with all the spouses feeling slightly out of place. Most of my conversation starters in the single setting begin with what do you do – doesn’t really work with a bunch of stay at home moms – so it felt really awkward. How do you deal with this situation?

  4. I can’t believe I’ve never heard the word Utard before. I laughed pretty hard at that one.

    (P.S. I’ve been married for an embarrassingly long time and I am addicted to this blog ANYWAY. You’re doing a great job, Miss Jones!)

  5. Miss Jones,

    Please write more! Over the past few days I have read through every post on this blog and it’s been a grand journey. Now that I’ve reached the end I feel there is only one course of action left to me, and that is to petition you to continue writing!

    Cory

  6. LOL too funny but right on! Single and turning 35 this year, I deal with a lot of these questions!

  7. […] have found that some people are really limited by their life experiences (or lack thereof)…that they can’t seem to understand things that they haven’t […]


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