Posted by: Miss Jones | November 10, 2008

The Candy Drawer

banana-laffytaff

Ever since I can remember my family has had what we call “The Candy Drawer.”  What is “The Candy Drawer” you ask.  Well, in order to really explain you first need to know something about the family I grew up in.  You see, we are all big pigs.  Okay, okay, don’t get in your minds the image of a bunch of 600 pound people with fried chicken stuck in their fat rolls sitting around watching Judge Judy all day and sucking off the welfare system while you are at work…we aren’t that bad.  We probably aren’t even obese or anything, but we like food (particularly candy and sweets) just like most Mormons do.  No coffee, no tea, no alcohol, no cigs…but they didn’t say no SUGAR, although I’m sure the “everything in moderation” part should cover that one.  Mormons don’t have the luxury of having other addictions so we like candy.      

 

So treats don’t really last too long around my parents’ house.  At least not the good treats.  And that is where the candy drawer comes in.  The candy drawer is a small corner drawer in my parents’ kitchen.  It could just as well be called the reject candy drawer as it very rarely has anything good in it…at least not for long.  Growing up usually the candy drawer contained things like: banana flavored Laffy Taffy, grape Jolly Ranchers, sunflower seeds, broken candy canes from last Christmas, Hershey’s Special Dark chocolate (you know from those mixed bags of Hershey’s chocolates), etc.  You get the idea…basically only candy you’d eat when you are desperate. 

 

 

And that’s usually what happened.  There would be a stash of this normally undesirable candy that would build up.  But then something would change…usually it would be during a big snowstorm when we couldn’t get to the store, or a Fast Sunday when our blood sugar was all out of whack and all of a sudden that banana flavored Laffy Taffy didn’t look so horrible and it would get eaten. 

 

So this was how it always was with the candy drawer…mediocre candy getting eaten in times of desperation and sugar shortage.  But then something changed…my little brother got married and all of a sudden we had a new person in the mix.  And my new sister-in-law loved dark chocolate.  So that dark chocolate that in the past built up in the drawer only to be eaten in times of famine didn’t build up anymore.  And things that my sister-in-law didn’t necessarily prefer would get thrown into the drawer.  It was sort of weird at first.  We all didn’t know what to think and did not even realize what was going on at first.  I remember thinking, ‘Where is all that yucky dark chocolate and who in the heck was crazy enough to throw this Chick-O-Stick into the candy drawer?’

 

And then I realized…someone with new tastes came along and the whole balance of what the candy drawer had been for years changed.  Now you are probably thinking, ‘why in the heck is this new girl Miss Jones telling us all about her family’s addiction to candy, isn’t this a Single Mormon Girl Blog?’ 

 

Well, here’s the tie in.  I started thinking about that candy drawer a little differently when my sister-in-law came along and I started to get all deep and compare the reject candy drawer to myself, feeling like a reject Mormon, a left-over, a banana Laffy Taffy if you know what I mean.  And then I thought to myself, ‘I don’t want to get taken out of the reject drawer on a day of desperation…a snowstorm or Fast Sunday.  I don’t want to just have a guy like me because they are sick of looking, sick of people bugging them about not being married, or have finally realized that something better just isn’t going to come along.  I don’t want to be taken out of the drawer just to fill some guy’s need for a short term sugar fix…only to be forgotten about as soon as a better treat comes along.’

 

Instead, here is what I want.  I want someone new to come into my candy drawer ecosystem, open the drawer and see that banana flavored Laffy Taffy and say to themselves… ‘WOW. These are my FAVORITE!  How did this get left in here?  What dummy would leave a banana Laffy Taffy in the candy drawer?  I’m so glad my favorite candy is in this candy drawer…what a lucky guy I am!’

 

This post doesn’t contain any major advice or help on being a single woman…other than…let’s keep believing that someday, sometime, hopefully, the right guy is going to come along, open up that left-over candy drawer and be ecstatic that you are still there.  And that may only happen after hundreds of other guys open up that drawer, see you and say to themselves, “YUCK, that’s not my favorite, I’ll keep looking.”  But who cares about those guys anyway?  All we need to worry about is keeping ourselves ready and available so when finally some guy opens up the drawer and says, “YUM, my favorite!” we will be ready to go.  And we’ll be pumped to get out of that drawer and move on…especially since for some of us our expiration dates may be getting close!

 

Some girls are Snickers, Twixes or M&Ms…candy you can find in pretty much any part of the world and candy that pretty much everyone likes.  So of course they get taken out of the drawer quickly.  I like to think that all of us older single LDS women that are still left are specialty candies though.  Candy that people crave…candy that people miss when they are in foreign countries, candy that can’t be found just anywhere, maybe even candy that is an aquired taste.  But, we are somebody’s favorite candy…I am sure.  I mean, if no one liked Banana Laffy Taffies wouldn’t they just stop making them?  And if there wasn’t someday, in some part of our existance, going to be someone just perfect for us, then wouldn’t God stop making us special, rare, unique women?  I like to think so.

 

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Responses

  1. Love it.

  2. Wow-what a great way to look at it! I love this!

  3. Love the metaphor! It is a really positive way of looking at a sometimes discouraging situation.

  4. That is truly a great way to look at our situation.

  5. Banna Laffy Taffy’s are my favorite!!! Seriously. I love the analogy, too 😉

  6. Great post.

  7. I just found your blog. I loved that post. I think the key for us single mormon girls nearing 30 is to maintain hope that we are what someone is looking for, while progressing in whatever gives us a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment. Thank you for your insight!

  8. I dislike this post. It’s an excuse for mediocrity and it rings as more of a feel-good post. Yes people do have different tastes, but…

    If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’re probably going to get the same results. Men are not that different. If you want to get a ‘catch’, you need to be a ‘catch’

    Fortunately, being a ‘catch’ is a choice. Even people who are “naturally beautiful” may not be a catch.

    So, my list includes:
    1. Smile — girls who don’t smile just aren’t that beautiful.
    2. Laugh and have fun. A girl who is willing to smile and laugh is optimistic.
    3. Be well-rounded. Maintain your spiritual, mental, physical and social well-being.
    3a. spiritual — you’ve heard these before- prayer, scripture study, church, etc. “This is life eternal, that they might know thee, the only true God and Jesus Christ whom thou has sent.” Don’t just learn about God, know him.
    3b. mental – learn, read, get a college education.
    3c. physical – The spirit and body– together — constitute the soul. Take care of yourself. (Neither skinny nor fat people are attractive) Do cardio AND strength training. You’re not going to look weird unless you’re on steroids. Honestly, a little muscle is hot–plus it’s amazing how consistent strength training can help you lose weight.

    3d. social — learn how to be social, flirt, tease, speak confidently, etc. How will you meet and become one with your future spouse if you aren’t confident enough to communicate.

    3ed. Take pride in your appearance. Braid your hair, use a little makeup etc. Just a little goes a long way.

    4. Don’t just rely on yourself. Make friends. Work with your friends to improve.

    5. Always improve. Life is not so much about the end result as about the process.

    6.Realize that you are ok and lovable even though you aren’t perfect — part of this is not worrying about getting married or not.

    That’s all, I just wanted to say that becoming unsingle is a lot about who you are and what you do as opposed to whatever excuse you give yourself.

    • Just looking through the old posts and even though a year has gone by it bears noting – Jason’s an idiot and shouldn’t be allowed unsupervised time on the computer…

  9. Dear Jason… First of all, I think you missed the point of this post. It isn’t meant to be an “excuse for mediocrity” as you put it. It isn’t meant to say that we shouldn’t be our best and do our best in all the ways you listed. The point is that even when we are our very best selves we still need to find someone who accepts and cherishes whatever that best version of ourselves is and that might be very different from what another person’s best version of themself is. Nobody is perfect…no matter how hard we try and no matter how well we perfect your 6 step program you so kindly listed for us, we still will need to find someone who likes us for who we are.

    Oh, and about your point 3e….”Braid your hair????” Are you a polygamist? Just wondering.

  10. Very usefull infomation. Thank you.
    Keep it up

  11. Nice post ! I just stumbled onto your blog, but I’m saving it. The dark choc. things is so true for our family ( and unchanged ). We haven’t had a new person in the mix. I “got” the story. 😉 Amanda

  12. I’m married, but have a friend who feels this way. That’s a great analogy.

    Still some women may be the most desirable chocolate in the world and still don’t seem available. Even if a guy likes you, if you don’t flirt then he’ll probably just look elsewhere.

    True that some women are that banana laffy taffy, but I find in Mormon culture it is often more that the women left behind simply don’t flirt, ask others out, and wait… wait… wait… for that perfect guy to come along.

  13. hahaha…I had the EXACT same thought after reading Jason’s post that you did!!! BRAID your hair? He’s a polygamist who’s OUT OF TOUCH. But you sure worded it better than I was gonna. =) If only it were as simple as a 6 step program, you’d think the church would have published that by now, right? Get married in 6 simple steps. On the otherhand, this MARVELOUS post shows a great perspective! It reminds me of the apple tree analogy. (I’ll paraphrase and it’ll come off totally wrong, I’m sure)….Some of us are like apples high in the tree (not that we’re higher/better than the ‘marrieds,’ but that it’s simply our placement/growth that is happening at a different place). Most men will go to pick an apple and won’t strain too much. Heck, some may even get the apples who’ve fallen to the ground. We may look down and say….hey!! What about me? Is there something wrong with me (since I’m still up here) or am I not a good enough apple? NOT SO! One day there will be a man willing to climb and work hard enough to find us. When we are found we will be treasured by a good man, not just a man looking for the easy way out or the common ‘apple.’ Those are the kinda guys we’ll want anyway. God’s saving us for them and vice a versa (but, we’re growing and ripening while waiting…not just rotting away).

    K, so I think I butchered the story…but you can kind of get the idea, right? Needless to say…I LOVED your post! =)

    • That’s a terrible story. Are you trying to say all the girls that got married younger in the temple are apples from lower in the tree or ones that fell to the ground?

      I didn’t think so! The story itself may make you feel good that you’re a self righteous apple high in the tree and that it’s all the mans fault for not climbing high enough to pick you, but really you shouldn’t be comparing yourself to an apple.

      If you’re an apple, men are oranges. In their tree they wait to be squeezed and filtered and served up as part of a healthy breakfast.

    • If you’re higher up in the tree, you’ll bruise more badly when you finally do fall. Maybe you should climb down from your perch and make yourself more available to less valiant men… or just wait and wait until you get pecked to death by birds or loose your grip and fall to the ground. Hmmm, maybe it’s a good idea to hold on tight waiting for the birds, because at least then you won’t be the fodder of the lazy men below.

  14. Dear Ryan,
    I think you completely missed the point. Besides, I wasn’t talking about apples and oranges. I was talking about candy…it’s a totally different story with candy.

    I hope some nice girl finds you soon and squeezes you and serves you up as part of a healthy breakfast…if that’s the comparison you want to make. Good luck out there!

  15. This post was such a wonderful analogy. I am “welcoming” my younger sis into the spinster lifestyle as she just turned 30 and we are “comrades” in this adventure. I’m going to point her this way. I’m tickled by the guys who misunderstood your analogy and felt the need to defend themselves…but their comments only drive your point home. I’ve always considered myself a Banana Laffy Taffy and I don’t want to be with someone who will eat M&M’s. I want him to look in that drawer like you said and say “I’ve been waiting so long for that Laffy Taffy and brush right past the M&M’s to go for it. Thank you for your inspiring words!

  16. My sis passed this along to me (I just turned 30 two days ago and am still single) and I’m so glad she did. What a wonderful idea and an awesome perspective. Thank you for sharing. 🙂


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