Posted by: Lula in London | February 1, 2008

The bubble philosophy: months

I have a philosophy about relationship timelines and bubbles. This is how it works:

2 month bubble

Most any relationship can seem perfect for the first 2 months. That is a short enough amount of time to edit yourself so only the best, most spontaneously funny parts of you show. For some professionals, this stretches to 3 months. After 2 months of the relationship, your true colors start to show and you also start to not look past some things like when he cuts his nails in church. (gag!)

9 month bubble

It seems this period is usually the deal breaker in a lot of relationships. You are over the “everything is new and exciting part” and now are your more true self. You get into ruts, you don’t talk for hours on the phone anymore and you are just you. If you still like eachother after 9 months, this is a good thing. Chances are you will continue. But if after 9 months you find yourself breathing a sigh at the end of the night that now you can just go to sleep and not entertain anymore, well that’s a sign it’s time to start thumbing through the ward directory. 😉

After 9 months of dating, you usually see 3 types of relationship paths to marriage:

  1. Dating until she says “we’re breaking up until you propose”. They break up and suddenly he’s ready to buy a ring.
  2. On again off again until they end up getting married on a whim or ending it because they don’t know who’s turn is next to start up again and find someone else.
  3. Dating until he proposes, likely after some prodding.

Try out this experiment with your friends. Think back on your relationships and how long they lasted. For me and my friends, we’ve seen this pattern persist pretty regularly. And, we’ve noticed you can’t avoid the bubbles bursting married or not.

Now think back to that odd time when you were at a ward activity and the couple that met two weeks ago has announced they’re getting married. Who can blame them for wanting to get married during the super exciting bubble time? Now perhaps they are one of those rare couples like your seminary teacher that when they met the heaven’s opened and they knew without knowing their last name. But for most of us, it’s just a super exciting bubble that we wouldn’t mind keeping forever, as in for eternity.

Let the bubbles burst first

This was kind of my way of staying rational when my emotions were thinking “hey, you got one, run and claim him!” But I’m glad I kept my cool and let the chips fall where they may, instead of gambling on what was inside that mystery bag. Not that you can completely know a person until you marry them of course, but at least you can tell if something inside has expired. Kind of like a “best by date”…for dating. 😉

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Responses

  1. Yes, i would like to tell you that I don’t believe in those stories that are made up “and the holy ghost let me know she/he was the one”- Stories.

    My Sister who’s in YW has told me the “amazing” story of one of the leaders there, and since i know that person ( i was there too), she totally lied. I laughed at the fact that when I was a in YW i thought that it was the only sign to know he could be the one.
    After that I believe most stories are pretty told to others, and leave the not so pretty parts out.
    Which creates an illusion for young women about love and dating.

    Ps: sorry for all of those who saw an angel ponting you the One out….


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