Posted by: Lula in London | December 9, 2007

Don’t worry, the giggly freshmen are weeding him out for you

A few years ago I was in a trendy clothes store shopping with my cousin. There was a cashier behind the counter in a bright yellow and very skimpy tube top. It being shocking enough that years later I still remember. With all of the clothes available in the store, she didn’t seem to have access to them. She seemed very friendly, smiled a lot, her blonde hair glistened as she spoke in a young bouncy voice, and she was able to ring up my order while talking at the same time about her wedding day in a few weeks at the SLC temple with her handsome rich fiancé. She also pointed to the headband around her chest and said to her coworker, “I know this is trendy but it’s the style, what can you do, right? I won’t be able to wear stuff like this much longer, so I’m doing all I can.”

My cousin and I looked at the giant question marks hovering over eachother’s heads and felt our brains tip sideways as we walked out of the store. After a few minutes of silent thinking, my cousin turned to me and said something along the lines of: “So we’re told to do all we can to be faithful, intelligent and modest and that will attract a good man…yet girls opposite of that always get married before we do.”

Now I’m sure Tube Top had some great features besides the two she was showing everyone, but this does illustrate a point. I told my cousin that while those types of girls always seem to get snatched right up, the guys those girls are marrying are not ones we would want anyway. And now the dating pool has one less guy that we don’t want, making it easier to spot the good ones. So we should thank Tube Top for her style and attracting a man out of the pool with it.

And that’s when the weeding theory was born.

Weeding is going on all of the time, in fact right now there is probably a 25 year old returned missionary hitting on an apartment full of freshmen girls as we speak. And he’ll pick out the prettiest one in college just long enough to find a husband so she can quit her elementary education program (as told by my EE friends). They’ll get married and you’ll be free to spot the guys who are looking for girls who went to college to get an education, don’t play helpless when it comes to getting something done, and aren’t perfectly designed as a replacement for their mom’s cooking and cleaning skills.

Girls, we know this is true because we see the guys eyes brighten every time the freshmen apartment is spotlighted at ward prayer. And you know what? Freshmen, they are all yours, our Thank You card is on its way.

Singletons, knowing this don’t you feel a whole lot better about the fact that your guy is going to be so good, he has to go through years of filtering before he can find you?

All the good ones are not taken. Why? Because a good one would spot your intelligent, confident, well-rounded, independent personality from a mile away, and he hasn’t seen you yet. So bring on the tube tops, the rejects are blocking our view! 🙂

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Responses

  1. Lula…I LOVE the weeding out theory…it is so true. I really need to get writing on this here blog. I have a few theories of my own to share. Maybe over Christmas I’ll do it.

  2. Funny enough but this was discussed recently in EQ and women think that men just want a “Barbie”. It was sad that as men we have allowed such a belief to creep into the “collective of women’s thoughts”. I know for most guys that isn’t true, they’re just cowards. I know I’m making a general statement, but that is what I see in my ward. Although it’s small, there are still some great women, but the guys are just too scared to ask them out. While you are correct that the “playas” will get weeded out, you’re still stuck with the shy guys that don’t ask anyone out and still complain that they’re single.

    I have a question. What if a guy did not serve a mission, had a dark past and still struggles with overcoming his previous tendencies…do women even consider dating such a guy? Who would marry this fellow?

  3. That is so true!

  4. Mormons are so judgmental. You probably think that women in South American indigenous tribes that don’t wear tops are being indecent. Unclench my friends and overcome your jealousy of another woman finding a nice wealthy man to marry.

  5. Thoughts as I read through:

    Tube Top has the same attitude toward her belief system and married life as guys who hire strippers at their bachelor parties: I’d better get my fun in now, because I’ll have to settle down once I’m hitched. This attitude has good and bad: there is the intention to “be good” once the commitment is made, but there’s also a clear regret at not being able to “have fun” anymore. Harmless? Dangerous? Hard to say.

    The bigger thought I had here is: What does it say about Mormon men that most of them prefer girls who are several years younger, not serious about having a career, and whose main goal is to be an awesome trophy wife? They certainly aren’t looking for an equal if this is the sort of girl that seems to marry young, marry often, and raise her sons and daughters to repeat this pattern. Why would a Mormon man, even a young, hormonal one of 25, not want to date a beautiful but more intellectual girl? Why do they want a girl barely done with puberty? Why does he want a cheerleader instead of a helpmeet?

    I doubt that much progress will be made to address the problems of gender inequality in LDS culture and doctrine when girls who deliberately choose to be empty-headed about their faith and career are the ones getting married young and making most of the babies.

    @quantumsaint When I was at BYU, I routinely heard girls say they would never date a guy who had not honorably fulfilled an entire 2 year mission. Even guys who came home from illness or injury were occasionally relegated to the dating bargain bin. It’s the same kind of bigotry you hear against divorced women, who are referred to as “used cars” in Happy Valley.

  6. point 1. i think about this alot because i am married and have three little girls, girls that i want to raise who are educated, strong, and self-confident. which leads me to think, who are the MOTHERS of these LDS “men” if you would call them that…that are dating tubtops, look at thier future wives as trophey’s, downplay a woman’s role, etc but then themselves are without work, education, into want to get rich quick schemes, all while living in the basement of thier parents house. to which i say ladies everywhere…don’t say our culture is judgemental, single minded, weak when it comes to women…i say freakin rock your singleness…don’t let people make you feel weird about being single, dont say “they are judging me”, etc. the more women of our culture can empower and rock the idea of not being willing to settle down until you are ready & find the right legit dude…the more it will be accepted. and i think make you a better mother, if you have children. i do think we need stronger women in this church but more than that we need stronger mothers who don’t baby thier little “men”.

    point 2. i dont think it matters what your religious backround is…i would have a hard time dating or being excited about my daughter dating someone who has a dark past, tendencies, and left his mission early for no good reason…marriage is too freaking hard anyways. my older sister married such a guy who had all three of those things….10 years later, two kids, they got divorced. this guy led her away from the church and pretty much made her life a living hell. i dont think they all turn out that way but i do think it makes a difference and i wouldnt consider that bigotry at all…i would consider it weighing my options.

    and until we start speaking up when phrases like “used cars” are spoken, we don’t have ground to stand on. we have to start speaking up and telling people to shut thier freaking holes & get out of thier bubbles.

  7. Dont be so dang jealous that some men love women who want to get married. I am sick of retarded LDS girls who think that a mission comes before marriage or that they want to backpack across the world before they think of getting married around 30 and then complain when they are 30 and dont have anyone.

    Yeah I married that hot freshman, and I love life.

    • I thought I had come up with the weeding out theory:) I’m always grateful I didn’t get stuck with the guy who marries based on physical assets, girls like tube top don’t really understand certain important aspects of our faith and who wants to be with a guy who can’t recognize that? Of course I have also seen smart, righteous and beautiful 18 year-olds get married, all the happiness to them.

      To those who think we are jealous? Ummm, more like upset that there aren’t enough righteous men to go around.

      Loverboy – what are you doing on the “Single Girls Guide..” anyways? So you married the hot blonde, good for you. 30 years from now, we’ll see if you are singing the same tune…

  8. While I know it can be frustrating to see others who seem not to be taking their religion or education seriously reaping benefits, I think that perhaps it should be noted that many of us who got married young were also intelligent and spiritual. It sends the wrong message to others to put out there that the LDS freshman girls who get married were all wearing yellow tube tops or don’t take our religion seriously, because that’s not necessarily true. Some of us just got lucky, and maybe if we hadn’t met the right person at the right time we would still be single. We marry early and we marry young because we believe that marriage is an important principle. Those who don’t get married young are not spinsters, at least we married girls don’t see you that way. I would say, rather , that my perfect man came along already , while yours is still on his way. There is no difference between us except for timing, and when we are talking about eternity that really doesn’t make that much of a difference.


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