Posted by: Lula in London | November 7, 2007

Why Guys Hang Out, Part II: A date is a commitment.

We’ve all been taught this formula growing up:

16 > date > mission > date > marriage > kids > winner

We all want to be a winner, but getting to that point requires meeting a lot of losers first. Not every date we go on will lead to marriage (thank goodness) but without them it’s hard to get married. It’s a real catch-22. Hence the dating dilemma.

To ensure that a guy doesn’t date someone who cannot be his wife, she is first assessed. This can go something like this:

He visits your apartment with his roommates just to say hi. They compare you to your roommates (after all he can only date one per apartment) on looks and personality and decide which one of you is a finalist. After he chooses a finalist, then it’s time for hanging out. In this part of the competition, you will be chosen one at a time to see if you fit the things he wants in a wife. To do this, he’ll have to play house without you knowing. He does this by jokingly offering for you to make him a meal. When you accept because you’re a nice person, he doesn’t offer to cook, but watches sports on TV until his meal is ready usually with a friend or two in tow. After all, that is what it is like when you would be married, right? If you are a major finalist, he might even help you cook the meal, and if he offers to do the dishes and comes alone you could be in the Top 3. Congrats.

As long as he is just hanging out, he is free to evaluate other contestants which is the key. Because remember, he doesn’t want to date someone that won’t be his wife. Long evaluation periods ensure that the girl that does end up with a dinner and a movie that he buys, may pay off.

Attending Ricks *BYUI, and Utah State I saw this time and time again.

The problem with this is, dating isn’t a miniature engagement. It’s dating. It’s doing something on an evening besides sitting home, just with another person who agrees you would be better than that. It’s a planned activity with a clear invitation. There’s nothing more awkward than going out and then heading to a movie to wonder if you are supposed to pay or not. We’ve all been there. So guys repeat after me:

  • A date is not a miniature engagement.
  • I will use the word “date” when inviting the girl to go out so she knows I’m paying.
  • I will ask out several girls to keep dating casual.
  • I will know what we’re doing when I pick her up on time.
  • I understand dating can be more fun than hanging out.

In exchange, we girls will try not to put our name in front of your last name until it seems like a reality, and not get bitter if we’re not the only girl you are dating.



  1. Lula…I love your ideas. You are right on. I hope it is not too late for me to complete the equation and become a winner. It sucks being a loser.

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