Posted by: Miss Jones | May 29, 2009

The Online World of Dating

online dating

Dear Miss Jones,

Here’s an idea for a post: Where should I be… online? I’m a single
LDS guy that is uncomfortable enough in large groups to make it
impossible to successfully meet people in the generally accepted LDS
ways (FHE groups, Linger Longers, YSA Conferences, etc.) And so I’ve
started to wonder if I might have more luck online. But I’ve never
gotten past the sign up page on a dating site because they all seem
like big sleazy scams (even the supposedly LDS ones). I know there are
lots of good LDS girls out there, are any of them online? And if so,
where?

Thanks,

eremite

 

Okay Mr. Eremite, I’ve got to be honest, I’m probably not the best one to answer this question because I don’t have any personal experience with online dating.  But I’m going to answer it anyway because I’m Miss Jones and I can.

Online Dating has such a stigma attached to it, which really is sad because I know TONS of happy couples who met online.  I think that this stigma is sort of fading but it still is hard to actually jump into the online world of dating. 

Okay, so the bad thing about online dating is that people can really be whatever they want to be online.  You can photoshop the heck out of your photos and all of a sudden instead of a Mr. Bean type you are suddenly Brad Pitt’s long lost twin.  And you can say whatever you want to say about your level of church activity, hobbies, beliefs, previous marital status, etc.  So it may be hard to really know if what you are seeing online about a person is the truth.  That’s one of the reasons I have yet to go to online dating. 

And you are right…even some of the LDS dating sites seem a little cheesy/sleezy to me. 

HOWEVER, one good thing about online dating is that most people that are online really are wanting to DATE.  With the exception of the major PLAYERS that I’m sure are online, I think that most online daters are there because they are really ready to meet the right person.  They, like you, have either tried everything else or don’t do well with the typical LDS scenarios for meeting people.  That is one really nice thing about dating online.  I think that when people get to the point that they actually put that profile up, they are serious and ready for dating/relationships. 

So I would say to you, go online.  Ask people that you know have done online dating which sites they would recommend.  And in your online profile just be yourself and represent yourself honestly and I think that you’ll find that there probably are a lot of girls out there that are honest, good LDS girls who just haven’t had the best of luck with typical dating scenarios either.  And lucky for you you’re a guy and so you probably aren’t going to get jumped in a dark alley by someone you meet online. 

Oh, and just as another suggestion, if you aren’t one that does well with big groups, create situations for yourself where you can get to know people a few at a time.  You don’t only have to rely upon big church/YSA functions.  For example, have a couple of guys friends and maybe a few girls that you are interested in getting to know a little better over for a game night or desert night.  Plan small group activities with people you have fun with/girls you are interested in.  And better yet, ask a girl out on a date…one on one is a pretty nice sized group to get to know someone in.  Just a thought…

Let us know how it goes and what you find.  And if any of you blog readers have suggestions regarding online dating or know of specific sites that you would recommend, please leave us a comment and let us know your thoughts. 

Miss Jones

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Responses

  1. Go to eharmony. It will only show you the kind of people you want to find. People who are LDS and serious about finding someone. The best thing about eharmony is when you talk to someone you know they are interesting in getting a date with you.

    At church activities there’s NO WAY to tell what the other person wants! I HATE that.

  2. I prefer LDSMingle.com because it’s a social networking site so you can also meet up with old mission comps, ward members or school mates so it takes a little pressure off. It’s free and you can send messages and I’m for free, unlike other dating sites. Best of luck!

  3. Oops, I meant LDS Linkup. LDSMingles sucked

  4. Progress Report: I signed up for eHarmony. It’s a decent web app and has a lot to recommend it. However, I didn’t find any of my “matches” nearly intriguing enough to justify the high price ($240/year or $60/month). Yet.

    And as to the other suggestions, I think they’re great. Except that I happen to be that hermit mentioned in past posts and I don’t have any friends to invite over or know of any girls I’d like to get to know better (or ask out). Maybe I’m too picky. :) Anyway, thanks for the nice post and the good blog.

  5. I do agree, with my limited experience with eHarmony, that if you’re serious about finding a spouse or going on dates, it’s one of the best dating sites out there.

    Two sites I’ve tried that are free are LDSHearts.com and singlesaints.com. I’ve gotten to know a few guys from both sites who I became close friends with and/or dated.

  6. I run a site also and been having fun over the past several months since I started. You can learn a lot just from other people.

  7. COME BACK AND POST!!!

  8. A good couple, both career professionals, in my ward met on LDSplanet.com. The wife did the Mormon thing and put her career on hold while doing the mommy-track.

    Cool/interesting thing, is that she was a 30-something, and he was a late 40-something, and his oldest from his previous marriage went on a mission while he had two toddlers at home with his new wife.

  9. Being the geek that I am, I did a study on LDSsingles. Last summer, I waited for the boys to check me out and spent a lot of time waiting with no results. This spring, I sent a personalized email to nearly every Utah guy between the ages of 29-41 that attended church regularly and had recently logged on. That was over 100 emails. I found that
    56% were flat out ignored,
    25% looked at my profile and then ignored me,
    3% replied without looking at my profile but only sent a smiley face or its equivalent,
    8% viewed my profile and wrote back but only sent a smiley face or its equivalent, and
    8% wrote back and asked a question. Most of these fizzled out, but I did get one date. Wow. So not impressed.
    But I did admit I was over-weight and had three kids so maybe that had something to do with it.
    And yes, I was made a favorite of a 65 year-old man (I’m 31). Ewwww! Hope you have better luck.

  10. I hate the term “online dating” because you can’t date online. You can find people that you are interested in meeting, initiate contact, etc…but dating is a personal one-on-one interraction for which there is no real substitute. That being said there are many people who use online dating sites to find people they would be interested in getting to know. And done right, with the right precautions you can meet some great people.

    It’s nice that eremite recognizes that he’s “uncomfortable in large groups” and something of a “hermit”. Luckily those things are not genetic and can be overcome, perhaps that’s the place to start

  11. Very usefull infomation. Thank you.
    Keep it up

  12. I foundthis information very intriguing and definitely useful. I am conducting a study at my college, and will be able to utilize some of the information in here for further discussion. Thanks

  13. Online dating used to be considered a bad thing but not so much now. It seems like it is more in the LDS culture still though. I keep thinking of trying E-Harmony but they are so expensive. I hate ‘Mingle’. Although, I’ve been liking a new one called LDS Fusion lately.

  14. Years ago I signed up with ldsdatingworld.com years ago and then they totally rebuilt the site but didn’t move photos over from the old site. The new site looks a lot cooler than the old one and has more things you can do, like even use it to store your own files, but I am too lazy to post new photos and update my profile. So I know I won’t get any nibbles without a photo, but I didnt get many with one – lol. I do like the new chatroom because anyone can use it without registering and members like me can video chat. Plus no one is ever there so I can chat privately with friends without making a private room.

  15. Just stumbled on your blog. I love online dating. Hated e-harmony. I found my husband on ldssingles.com I found that I had to find men and email them. No one emailed me. I got a lot of great dates out of the site and then found my husband. Both of my bridesmaids are now married to guys they found on the same site as well as my brother-in-law.


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